long time, no see! hope you're hungry and, by the way, when did you get that sweet ascot?!

Let's open things up with an apology. I'm going to get through this quickly as I don't like apologizing and I want to get to the meat and potatoes of this. Think of my apology as the bluecheese apple bacon chutney bouchee of this blog. I think that's an appetizer...or a potential life threatening virus....of the chutney. Gross. Guess what just made my list of top ten most disgusting words (blog to come later).
Sooo, I'm sorry. There. It's been awhile. I would like to say I've super busy lately and simply haven't had time to post anything but that's a total cop out. I WAS busy about two weeks ago with this little production, but the past two...yeah, really haven't done a thing.
After the production finished, I just needed some "me" time. For those that don't know me very well, I'm not a people person. I'm not sure I'd refer to myself as an introvert.....yeah, I would. My ideal night is cozying up under a blanket, cranking up my heater, hot chocolate, movie, popcorn (with peanut butter M&M's) and nice, simple quiet. As you can imagine, this isn't achievable when you spend 30+ hours a week for two weeks surrounded by 40 odd people singing and dancing...some of the teenagers. Yeah, tell me about it. I was NEVER like that.
I feel like I should have separate blog about the production since it consumed 2 months of my introverted young adult life. Maybe I will. Maybe no one cares anymore. Maybe I'll completely forget I thought about blogging about it when I finish this. Yeah, I'll just do that.

Well, folks, how is everything? Can I get the plates out of your way? For our main course, here is a wood-oven roasted devil's gulch ranch rabbit loin (AKA the aforementioned "meat and potatoes"). In case you were already thinking it, yes, loin will also make the sick word list.
It's time for some new clothes. Seriously. I don't think I've purchased a new shirt of any type in over a year. I recently went through all my clothes and I have maybe 30 t-shirts, five hoodies, 3 pairs of jeans, and 13 (ballpark) pairs of pajama pants. I don't own anything one might call trendy.
I thought with my newly walleted (can you verb that?) Christmas money, I might peruse the selection at Target to see what's in vogue. I'm fairly certain the fact that I just used the term "in vogue" proves I am in fact vogueless (not possessing vogue if you aren't hip what I'm currently laying down).

I use parenthesis way too much, don't I?

I spent a good hour (in male shopping time, probably 20 minutes in real life) looking through the men's clothes at Target and something struck me about 25 minutes (8.5 real minutes) in.
I'm old.
Let's start with the sweaters. Not only did they all appear to be without vogue, they looked like something a 15 girl would wear. A big collar on a sweater? Maybe if I was sporting the Justin Bieber hair and some elevated cheekbones I could pull this off. Unfortunately, I have a partially receding hair line and am about 15 pounds overweight, therefore, I feel this disqualifies me from puffy collared sweater.
The pants. OK, totally understand the slighty torn, faded look. Two out of my three current jeans have this, but I really don't want it look like I swiped a pair off some homeless guy under the bridge that just got attacked by a gaggle of radioactive sewer rats.
Gaggle. Got 3 out of my top 10 disgusting words clinched.
Clinched? Nah, maybe top 50.
Hats. Really not understanding the stocking cap with the bill. No witty explanation here, I just don't get those.
Graphic tees. Have these really ever been cool? "It's what's on the inside that counts" above a picture of a Twinkie. Why is that even.....forget it.

Well, you all cleared your plates. Couldn't have been too bad (canned laughter)! Any room for dessert?

PAUSE

I really don't like this question. I have no problems with someone asking me if I'm interested in dessert, there just has to be SOME OTHER phrase we could at least try out. I'm just sayin.

RESUME

For dessert, we have an elegant Lemoncello Cream Torte. For those that aren't keeping up the theme here, it means I'm almost done.
Basically, I need help. I need a woman's touch. I'm not sure I've ever bought any dressy-er-ish type clothes without a woman there to help me...or Chris Saldanha. He was with me when I bought my one and only suit. I just don't know what looks good on me. I kind of want to look at least...I don't know...not homeless? So, any female or Chris. Please help.
Thanks for coming.