i wanted to pass on some knowledge to you as i have finally started growing wiser. you may not agree with this until your my age, but you will see things my way eventually. after reading this, you'll probably having a new found appreciation for how wise your old man is.
so, son, without further ado, i have some recommendations for you.
1. don't play sports. sure, the peewee stuff is cool. maybe a litte in junior high. i'll probably even allow football. perhaps some basketball/baseball would be in order the first few years of high school. basically, once you graduate, your body will start to deteriorate extremely fast. by the time your 27...wait, 28 (seriously, i wrote 27 first), you'll end up like me if you continue on the reckless path athletics have to offer.
i forgot to include in the intro paragraph that as i write this, i have a frozen bag of corn on my right ankle that is settled extremely precariously on the edge of my computer desk nursing a re-aggravated ankle sprain, a strained left knee, a gash on the upper section of my right calf, and a shredded left forearm from sliding on dirt, and a pulled groin (which is simply the icing on the arthritic/kidney stone producing cake). ah, yes, the first night of softball. yes, the first.
2. take advantage of remembering things. note two paragraphs up. you will forget your age. it's bound to happen. i expected that day to be after a good 93 years. try 27. wait, 28. my father has gotten to the point where he will try to tell me a story that he literally told me no more than a week prior...then he'll do it the following week...with the same story. i've started to tell people about how sad this is. i'm going to be there someday. then i realized i can't remember who i've told the story about my dad to, so i start repeating it to people. then i do it again the next i see them.
3. get good insurance. this probably should be section 1a.
4. there is evidence to support kidney stones being hereditary. i have no way to prepare you for this. so, i guess suck it up.
5. you can be an actor (in moderation). just don't be a weirdo about it. if you do plan on being in plays, i'm going to recommend an amendment to section 1. you will need to participate in some sort of manly activity to balance out the unmanliness of being in a play. once your out of school and doing movies, you are safe to now end said amendment.
6. treat women well. you will be destroyed if this is broken.
7. love Christ with all your heart. you'll be destroyed worse and forever if this is broken.
8. go outside. watch some sunsets. observe nature. go camping.
9. make sure you spend a lot of time on your short game. golf will be allowed. this is an exception to number 1. sure, you'll want to paste the ball of the tee. but 90% of the game is played from inside 100 yards.
10. remember to wear sunscreen.
that should do it. if you can do these 10 things, you'll honor me. i guess i'll probably just laugh when you get kidney stones.
i guess if you're really bummed out about the sports thing, you could always be a punter. you'll never get hurt beyond want an ice pack can't fix.
so, in closing, as this sun sets behind the horizon, you son, will set these things upon your heart and obey them. i want you to know i'm proud of you so far in your young life. just don't screw it up and make me look bad.
love,
dad
does this mean volleyball is not in your future for this summer? you should really learn to pace yourself. one minor injury a week is more than enough. :)
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