if i woke up with my head sewn to the carpet, i wouldn't be as surprised as i am now.

Soooooooo, what a day. The day where zero goes right. The day you just can't wait to end. Sometimes I just have describe a day as "shock and awe." Twas the day today.
But this, folks, is why I created this blog. Here is a direct quote from my very first blog entry:
"I need to document my quirky life experiences somewhere and this is admittedly a terrific forum to project such stories. It seems on a weekly basis I have some event or encounter that just simply makes me have to laugh because it's just so bizarre."
Yep, today was the consummate exemplification of weird.
First off, I guess second off, let's just toss out the follow up insult that was simply salt in the wound of the initial injury.
I went into the bathroom around noon to see how big the cedar tree was i had lodged in my eye. As I leaned into the mirror only to realize it was simply an eyelash, my tie activated the automatic hand washer in the high class restroom in our Des Moines office. Yeah, remember my previous entries about my utter hatred of technology. There's another check on the pro-neandrethal side.
Again, this was only the proverbial icing on the bizzaro cake.
Here is what preceded the Soggy Tie '10 party. And, I must warn you, this is superbly uncomfortable.
I stroll out to the waiting area in our Des Moines office to call a patient by the first name of James. For those of you that aren't hip to these new-agey, pre-New Testament names, James is, in fact, a boy name.
So, I call upon James. No answer. I call again. Slowly, an older woman in a electric wheel chair, slightly hunched over whips that Rascal around and starts cruising up to me. She stops the chair right at my feet. She has medium length gray hair covering some of her face, a beautiful navy blue blazer Jesse Spano would flip out over and a cute, little, pink flat (it's a type of shoe, dudes). I say shoe (not plural) because she only had one leg (Really not relevant, but for some reason just makes the story better...kind of like C-3PO in Star Wars).
I lean down to correct her mistake and speak rather loudly (assuming she is going to be hard of hearing or not necessarily 100% with us mentally), "No, ma'am, I'm looking for James!"
The other 10-15 folks sitting in the waiting area suddenly become interested, because we all love a train wreck, even if we don't know we are about to see one.
The woman looks up and replies in a rather husky tone, "I am James."
I instantly transport myself into the Snickers, "Wanna get away?" commercial as my face begins to feel like I decided to swap my pillow for a bonfire.
But, don't worry, folks. I feel like I recovered nicely. About as nicely as anyone could, I think, after the whole "So, when's the baby due"-esque foot-straight-to-mouth question I spewed out all over waiting area A.
We actually had a great conversation. He was a very nice guy. I really can't help but laugh about it now, but HOW UNCOMFORTABLE! I felt terrible.
But, hey, if you're dressing up like a lady, wouldn't you be flattered for someone to assume you are one? Whatever, just let me keep telling myself that. It's going to help me sleep tonight.